You made me cry and you don't even care
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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