Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
