Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
