his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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