Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
