Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
