I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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