So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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