It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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