5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
