yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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