I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
