Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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