Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
