if you like me you must not know who I am
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
