I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
