I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
