he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
