she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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