I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
