i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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