Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
