So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
