Screwed.edu
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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