you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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