i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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