after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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