Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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