eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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