Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I wish I only lived at night.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
