He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
pray to the hookup gods
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
