Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
