Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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