I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
