Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i've created a new STD.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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