i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
