i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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