im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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