I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize