Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
