No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Be still, my beating vagina.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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