I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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