Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
