All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
is this the sara with the beer cane?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
