You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
