Cold hands, warm shart.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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