this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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