its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
