you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
