She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
