google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize