they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
