I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
