Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
