Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize