and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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