He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
