Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
