The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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