someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
