I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
