She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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