1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize