You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
