Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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