I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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