Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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