So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
