She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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