Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
