how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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